In Circum Morbi | Depravity of the Human Condition
In: "into" or "against", that takes accusative; Circum: accusative singular of circus; Morbi: genitive singular of morbus (sickness), meaning "of sickness." Into the circus of sickness
When I grab the brush, the anger creeps in. I cannot control myself. Its an insatiable fury that shakes me inside. I guess I do not like the world I live in. If you pulled back its curtain, you’ll see a circus full of repression, fear, violence. Chained women, shamed men. For me it is difficult to cope with this sordid scenery. There is a voice inside me that screams: escape, run. But I cannot. I resist. And always end up fighting.
And to fight, I get in front of the canvas, and submerge myself once and again in this infame circus. I try to understand it. I observe it and try to deduce what’s behind it. Yet in the end I only see darkness. But i don’t let it engulf me. No. To impede it, I paint it, I grab a brush and let myself be guided by the monster that’s inside me, probably one created by the same circus that produces such rage within me.
And I paint. And paint. And paint.